From "I don't understand" to a New Understanding

If I had a script of my inner voice during my times of deep depression, it would probably read, "why, why, why, I don't understand, what have I done?" Or something to that effect. Nearly every day I spent time wondering why I just couldn't understand or figure out my husband. I knew something was very wrong with our relationship, I just couldn't figure out what it was. Somehow, in all my years of turning to Disney princesses to try to understand love, I missed the essential fact that love is understanding.

love is understanding

It's as simple as that.

The thing about trying to love someone very complex and different, is that the challenge ultimately creates a very strong willingness to understand others. You see, I learned that if I could love someone like that, I could really open my heart to anyone or anything. That didn't just mean that I could open my heart for someone better to come along and sweep me off my feet. I could literally open my heart to bringing more understanding into the world and continuing to grow in that respect.

I have so much room to grow, but I've set my sights on understanding and carved a clear path to achieving it in my scope of experiences with the wounded loves in my life. What understanding looks like to me is listening. Deeply listening. Not just listening for my turn to talk or tell a joke, but listening to the true sentiments of the people I love. And then it looks like openly sharing and relating. It's more than hearing a breakup and responding, "what an asshole." It's the ability to recall the same feelings and hold that space for healing. Those things are open in me now and available to my friends. It's something I never experienced before, but being able to give it to others is such a powerful and healing gift in itself.

I went from seeking all the answers as a way to understand others, to absorbing the knowledge that understanding is a means, not an end. More importantly, it's the only way to truly love.


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